The trouble with Twitter
by Ice Maiden Olivier
Summary: A parody/drabble series where the Fullmetal Alchemist discovers Twitter, insanity ensues :3 Set in the brotherhood universe, though suggestions are welcome :)
1. Chapter 1

The trouble with twitter.

WN: Hey everyone, a belated happy 2015 to you all! I am currently typing this as I have no internet, but I am finally getting around to typing this as I have been meaning to for some time. I know I have a few outstanding projects, which I hope to get somewhere with soon, but have been struggling with tonsillitis and also depression, which has made life somewhat difficult for me. Anyway, this is very loosely based off my experiences roleplaying as Pride on Twitter. I do not own Full Metal, or Twitter, or anything. Anyhow… hope it goes well and if this is well received I will commence a chapter a week

It had been sometime since the Elric brothers had begun their journey to find a way to return themselves to their original bodies. With everything that had been going on, the threat of the Homunculi, father's plans, the return of Greed, the true nature of the Philosopher's stone; it was a welcome reprieve for the brother's to be recalled to Central to take on a new mission, or so they thought….

"Central HQ"

"That bastard!" The doors of Central Headquarters flew open and a furious figure flew out, seemingly shaking with rage.

"What happened brother? He's not sending me away is he?" Al was extremely concerned, for the risk of the colonel carrying out his threat or the possibility of his older brother having done something extremely stupid.

"He… he's…"

"Gah! He's making me waste more time signing up to this "social networking" site"…. Ed sat down with a bump on the steps outside the main entrance, his head in his hands.

"Hahahahah!"

"What's so funny Al?!"

"I have been nagging you to sign up to a social network for ages! Come on, ever since they were introduced by a mysterious person to Amestris, it's revolutionized the way we can keep in touch with those we care about; wouldn't you want to make Granny and Winry happy by actually keeping in touch more than once a month?" Al thought back to all the times they'd promised to send a postcard to keep them both updated, and had never followed through, earning them both a wrench to the head.

"Well… I see no point in talking about myself for the entertainment of complete strangers! And besides, how is it any benefit for the country if I make an account?!"

"Wait, what did he actually say to you brother?"

"Well…"

_Earlier that day (30 minutes ago)_

"So Full Metal, it has come to my attention you have not filed a single mission report; even worse, it has come to the Fuhrer's attention that you haven't either"

"And why should I care about what either of you bastards think?!" It was only recently that they'd made the startling discovery that their King was none other than a homunculus.

"Look, cut the attitude runt; what I was going to say, is your new mission is to join a social networking site, that way you can file your report no matter where you are and I can actually read it; you can join this "twitter" if it's easier, that way you only have to use 100 characters, but obviously you have to make more posts" Mustang explained.

"Why should I bother with something so narcissistic? Who on earth cares what I get up to? Don't people actually have lives?!"

"Look, why don't you just make the damned account? I thought it was all the rage with you kids these days?"

"I am not. A. damned kid!"

"Whatever shrimp, I expect your report in the next few days, either make the account; or give up your rights as a state alchemist; the Fuhrer's orders, not mine" And with a flourish, Mustang walked out his office, leaving a furious alchemist in his wake.

"_End"_

"Oh… well it may not be so bad brother, at least you can chat to Winry more right? And who knows, it could be fun! Let's go to the library now, I can help set you up with an account" Al offered, knowing that he could most likely persuade him.

"Gah! Fine, just don't expect me to be one of those "24/7 updaters" He huffed, and reluctantly followed his younger brother to the library.

The two brothers made their way to Central Library, found a computer and after a few minutes, Al had managed to set his brother up with an account.

"Okay brother, I uploaded a photo of you, now all you need to do is do your first tweet" Al explained.

"Wait… why do I look so pissed off? Oh never mind, just what the hell do I put?"

"Anything you want"

"….. *starts typing*"

"This is my first tweet, and hopefully my only tweet; happy now colonel?!"

"Don't forget to press tweet brother" Al supplied.

"!"

*click*

"Done, now what… oh, why is it saying your "following me?" Ed narrowed his eyes at the armoured figure.

"A follower is someone who wants to be friends with you and can keep up with your updates"

"Oh, well, how do I follow you back"

Al showed him, and then suddenly..

"ALPHONSE ELRIC, HOW THE HELL DO YOU HAVE 21000 twitter folllowers?"

"Quiet brother, this is a library!" Al hissed, and then apologized to the several pairs of eyes now glaring at the duo rather forcibly.

"And in answer to your question, I'm well liked…. That's why" he replied with a smug tone.

"Hmph, well why should I care anyway… let's get some research done anyway"

The brothers worked for over a solid hour gathering the research they needed before they began their journey once more; they figured that way their recall to Central would at least not be a total loss. At the end of their research, Ed suddenly remembered he needed to "log out"

"Hey Al, what does it mean when I have "notifications"?"

"Oooh lemme have a look"…

"You've got followers brother!" Al exclaimed happily.

"Already?"

"Yeah… ah… oh dear"

*Gluttony Voracious, Lust Lavicious, Greed the Avaricious/Prince of Xing, Envy Jealous, Sloth the Indolent, Pride the Arrogant, Wrath the Furious, Flame Alchemist, Hawkseye and 50 others followed you*

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!"

"Pipe down brother!"

"How are the homunculi on here?"

"I have no idea, hey looks like Greed's sent you a tweet, or is that Ling?!" Al wondered.

*Hey, if it isn't my number one flunky! Welcome to cyberspace!*

"That's Greed"….

"Hey Ed, welcome, we need to catch up!"

*Greed, Ling, whatever, how come the homunculi are on here? Seriously?!*

*Father's bright idea, the old man gets stupidly into these fads, but it's not so bad*

*Whatever…*

*I don't care though, as long as I get more followers than you, I'm happy!"

*Hey pipsqueak, didn't think you'd finally join the rest of the planet* *Lust, Greed/Ling, Wrath, Pride favourite this*

*Get lost Envy!* "Al, Greed/Ling, Flame, Hawkseye, and 30 others favourited this."

"Oh dear, brother… you might want to read the new one we've both gotten"…

*Hello my stupid pupils, I see they're letting you of your leashes as dogs of the military*

*Ahhhh teacher!* They both yelped.

They sat there in stunned silence.

WN: Okay, hopefully you guys will like this, if you do I have another chapter planned, where Ed and Greed compete for followers, Ed discovers "the truth" and of course… fangirls. Anyway, if you liked this enough, would love a review ^_^


	2. Chapter 2

WN: I am so pleased that I got two reviews :) Thank you titania2811and of course PleasantlyPremeditated :) you both rock!

Chapter 2: The trouble with fangirls.

Fullmetalsbetterthanflame:*#Online followers :3 *

Thearmouredalchemist:*Ed, you don't need to let people know that you are online*

Flamesofstyle: *Yeah shrimp, everyone knows when the pipsqueak's around, though I am surprised to see that you managed to actually reach the keyboard ;)*

*AvariciousPrince, EnvyJealous, HavocKnight, IronPawDen, Blackhearthayate, and 50 others favorited this*

Fullmetalsbetterthanflame: WHATTHEHELL?! SINCE WHEN DO THE DOGS HAVE AN ACCOUNT?!"

* IronPawDen, Blackhearthayate and Princess Panda favorited this*

Blackhearthayate: Do I have to have my mistress shoot you for your rudeness?

Fullmetalsbetterthanflame; Oh man...

Hawkseye: *Puts gun down* "Good boy"...

Flamesofstyle: "So fullmetal, instead of following strange people, how about that report? I sent you guys off to Xing for a reason remember?"

Fullmetalsbetterthanflame: "I do not follow strange people! they just happen to be really cool, and funny, something that you don't seem capable of!" :p

*Fullmetalfangirl, AvariciousPrince, HavocKnight, Fuery, Falman, Breda and 20 others favorited this*

Thearmouredalchemist: "Sorry sir, we're still on the train, we had another hostage situation -_-"

Fullmetalsbetterthanflame: "Which reminds me"

Fullmetalsbetterthanflame: "We were sent to Xing do something, completely pointless by someone useless, shots were fired, the idiots retired*

Fullmetalsbetterthanflame: And that is my report.

Thearmouredalchemist: "Why did I think this was a good idea?"

Flamesofstyle: "You little runt, I am going to have fried shrimp for lunch!"

Hawkseye: "Calm down sir, look outside"

Hawkseye: "The colonel's going offline for a bit, the rain always makes him useless ;)"

Fullmetalsbetterthanflame: "Hahaha!"

Hawkeseye: Don't bait the colonel edward, otherwise I will shoot you, and you won't see it coming!"

Fullmetalsbetterthanflame: **eeeeeek!**

*Wrathofahousewife favorited this*

AvariciousPrince: " Hawkseye: your my kinda girl, fancy working for me?" ;)"

AvariciousPrince: Sorry Lieutenant, my.. house guest get's a little ahead of himself -_-"

Hawkseye: Don't worry about it! :3 and Greed... maybe some other time, but someone's gotta keep the pyromaniacs in line :3"

*AvariciousPrince favorited this*

EnvytheJealous: "Eurgh PridefulSin, tell our little brother to stop flirting with humans!" -_-"

AvariciousPrince: "You are a disgrace Greed, and Envy, I have better things to do than listen to your whining"

*Crimsonexplosion, Fullmetalsbetterthanflame, and 10 others favorited this*

Later that day...

"Brother..."

"What's up brother?"

"Why does this girl keep following me?"

"How do you mean?"

"Oh..." *starts laughing* then posts:

Thearmouredalchemist: Fullmetalfangirl: My brother really appreciates your devotion in following him on eight, no nine accounts..."

*tweets again*

"Why not tell us your real name, so I can arrange for you to go out on a date? ;)"

Fullmetalsbetterthanflame: "Brother, I swear on mom's grave, I am going to get you for this!"

TFullmetalfangirl9: "Oh thank you! I am Chrissie *grins*"

AvariciousPrince; "Hahaha! oh my, I don't know what's better,the shortstack having fans, though less than me ;) or him being harassed by fangirls!"

AvariciousPrince: "Greed... check out our notifications!"

* TheFullmetalfangirl9 is now following you*

AvariciousPrince: "Oh dear"...

Theoneandonlytruth: Fullmetalsbetterthanflame; "Oh little alchemist, are you nearly there yet?"

Fullmetalsbetterthanflame; ...

Fullmetalsbetterthanflame: "!"

Thearmouredalchemist: "!"

Chang'sheiress: "It seems my sweet Alphonse and Ed fainted... hang on a second"

Chang'sheiress: "This may be trickier than I thought"...

WN: Okay, mixed feelings about this chapter, but reviews are always greatly appreciated ^_^ as are suggestions :3


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Of trends and hashtags

WN: Thank you so much Tenchiko for being my latest reviewer :D your awesome!

Fullmetalsbetterthanflame: "What's the point of this hashtag nonsense? urgh -_-"

Thearmouredalchemist: "Brother, we've been over this, it's to effectively highlight a certain word/phrase"

Fullmetalsbetterthanflame: "Okay fine, but why am I seeing #miniskirtgovernment ? o_o

Thearmoredalchemist: "Who knew the fuhrer was considering a whole new um... government type? 0_0

Flamesofstyle: "Ah fullmetal, you saw my campaign trend then? :D

Fullmetalsbetterthanflame: "YOU MEAN THE COLONEL BASTARD IS RUNNING FOR FUHRER? I'D RATHER DIE :O"

Thearmoredalchemist: "Colonel sir, are you sure it's a good idea being so blatant about your plans for being the next fuhrer on social media?"

Hawkseye: Alphonse does have a point sir, no matter how ridiculous the suggestion is...

Northernwallofbriggs, Rebeccabffofhawkeye and 50 others favorited this

Northernwallofbriggs: "You are a pathetic moron Mustang who has no place in the military!"

Strongarm: "Sis... I didn't know they had internet in Briggs! ;O_o"

Norrthernwallofbriggs: "You don't know much at all do you, urgh you are not worthy of the Armstrong name!"

Strongarm: "... 0_0 *runs*

Rossonline: "So... um... yeah..."

Hawkseye: "2nd Luitenant! how are you? :D"

Rossonline: "Hey Riza! long time no see, it's great in Xing, the people are lovely!"

Fullmetalsbetterthanflame: "Hey Lutenant Ross, hope that idiot Prince and his goons are keeping you safe" :)

Younglord's_Ninja: "We are keeping the Young Lord and his guest busy thank you very much"

Younglord'sprotector: "Of course -_- speaking of, kid, where IS the young lord, we've been hopping from roof top to roof top looking for him -_- "

AvariciousPrince: "Heyyyyy old man, we had some business to take care of, but i'm okay :D"

Younglord'sprotector: " -_- Greed..."

AvariciousPrince: "How did you guess? :/ "

Younglord's protector: "I could sense your vile chi through my keyboard"

AvariciousPrince: "RUDE" :O

"Automailqueen: "EDWARD ELRIC! YOU HAVE TIME TO TWEET BUT NOT CALL ME! HOW COULD YOU?!" *throws cyber wrench*

Fullmetalsbetterthanflame: "FORGIVE ME! *starts sobbing upon impact of wrench*

Armoredalchemist: "So Winry... how's things in Rush Valley?" :)

Automailqueen: "Just great Al! Mr Garfiel is really nice and have great customers, unlike some..." *glares -_-*

Fullmetalsbetterthanflame: "Urk" -_-

Ishvalanwarrior: "So... all the alchemists are gathered in one place, how convenient"

Fullmetalsbetterthanflame: "WHAT THE HELL?! SCAR :O"

Flamesofstyle: "Seriously, since when do you of all people have time to join twitter?" :s

Ishvalanwarrior: "When your traveling with a fool like Yoki, you make time -_-"

Fullmetalsbetterthanflame: "Who's Yoki?" :S

THELEGENDOFYOKI: "YOU LITTLE RUNT! HOW DARE YOU?"!" *starts sobbing in a corner*

Fullmetalsbetterthanflame: "What did I do?" :/

Armoredalchemist: "Brother... another person you've offended, really?"

~End~

WN: Okay, not the best chapter I know, so suggestions and ideas are greatly received :D


	4. Chapter 4

WN: *waves* it's been a while! hope you are all okay, missed you. Hoping that by doing a couple of chapters on my fics, I can hopefully get over my writers confidence block :) Usual disclaimers apply.

Chapter 4 Crossovers and symmetrical connections

It had been a few days since the young alchemist had been forced to join the land of social networking. As much as he hated to admit it; he had found the experience... interesting. Not that he was going to tell a certain bastard colonel that. He'd been wondering how Al had found the time to effectively go on all these missions whilst maintaining such a large fanbase. Truly, his little brother was the multi tasking king.

"Well.. I guess I had better log on, see if that bastard has anymore leads for me" Ed mused. He'd come to Central library on a rare bit of time off in order to catch up on some reading, but he decided to check his account as well.

*logs in*

Fullmetal'sbetterthanflame: #Fullmetal'sbacklosers! :)

Strongarm: "Edward! how are you my boy, come here whilst I strip for a manly embrace!" :3

ArmoredAlchemist: 0_0 "that didn't take long"...

Avaracious_Prince: "Hey shrimpy, I see the Truth has made a new friend"...

Fullmetal'sbetterthanflame: "Say what now? o.O since when did the gate have internet?!" o.O

Theallpowerfultruth: "So little alchemist, I have to say this internet has brought me some good connections :)"

Fullmetal'sbetterthanflame: "What are you going on about?" :/

Symmetrical_Shinigami: "So! you're the asymettrical bastard!"

Fullmetal'sbetterthanflame: "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!" O.o

Symmetrical_Shinigami: "Death the Kid, son of lord death to you!"

Fullmetal'sbetterthanflame: -_- "Yeah... I've got nothin

Flame'sofstyle: "Yeah.. apparently we can contact those in other universes"

Avaricious_Prince: ":o "I.. I CAN RULE OVER OTHER UNIVERSES!"! :D *cheers*

Fullmetal'sbetterthanflame: "I think not -_-"

*Not_a_palm_tree, lascivious_sin, fatherofallsins, wrathfulruler and 50 others favorited this. *

Symmetrical_Shinigami: "Anyway, why the hell aren't you symmetrical! you sicken me -_-"

Fullmetal'sbetterthanflame: "RUDE!" :O

Theallpowerfultruth: "Don't worry little alchemist, we can fix this, you don't have to pay!"

Theallpowerfultruth: "All we need to do is chop off your other limbs :p"

Fullmetal'sbetterthanflame: "OH HELL NO!" *logs off*

Symmetrical_Shinigami: "Something I said?" :/

Theallpowerfultruth: "It seems young reaper we need to teach him the importance of symmetry"...

Symmetrical_Shinigami: "Indeed we do!"

Thearmoredalchemist: :,) "Please tell me you two are kidding"

Theallpowerfultruth: ...

Symmetrical_Shinigami: ... "Death never jokes about symmetry"

The armoredalchemist: 0_0 *runs*

~TBC?

WN: As always, reviews and suggestions are appreciated :)


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